The first great love - an 18-year-old between lust and fear
I was 18 and walked into a diner. They still existed in my youth, Far away from the big snack chains today, the small shops, homely furnished. The shop was almost empty. A woman was waiting at the counter their order, and a young man leaned against a bar table and operated a slot machine. As soon as I opened the door he stared really at me. He was older than me, not a boy my age. The were uninteresting anyway, far too childish in their behavior. Was in front of me a grown man. I closed the shop door, the typical smell lingered fried fat and spices hung in the desire, mixed with a fine Tobacco note. Smoking ban was still unknown. The man looked at me blatantly. I reacted instinctively to his smile, came to me immediately something daring.
Somehow I had the feeling I was doing something forbidden. This man before I wasn't a student, he wasn't one of those quiet classmates They often looked at me too, but not so directly and with a certain rawness paired. I stood behind the woman and briefly thought about what I should do would take my parents with me. Dad loves eating fries, and mom does She doesn't like doing that because it makes the whole house smell like it.
I felt the man's eyes on me. Greedy, like one Before the jump, the big cat stood up to its full height on. I knew instinctively I shouldn't look. Luckily it was Father wasn't there because this was exactly the type of man I was afraid of my parents had always warned me - a bad boy.
I turned my head in his direction, as if remotely controlled. He whispered a deep “Hello beauty” in my direction. Blue-green eyes, slim, trained, three-day beard, dark blonde short hair, a head taller than I. A small talk ensued. He tells us a little about himself I was 23 and had never seen such a beautiful woman.
The first great love forever?
At the age of 18, this really impressed me, I suddenly felt myself very adult. As we spoke, he took one of mine on his own accord Strands of hair, my hair loose over my shoulder. He brushed himself this strand through the lips, which I found incredibly sensual and erotic found, at least my words would be for it today. With my 18 years I stood there as if spellbound, unable to say anything or move, followed his hands as if hypnotized. Something was magically drawing me to it him, I couldn't put it into words. And of course it appealed to me because he was a born rebel, he was forbidden company for me, I I should never have introduced him to my father, he wouldn't have him accepted.
Suddenly he took my hand, turned it and rubbed my hands Fingertips over the palm. An incredible tingling sensation ran through me me and sent shivers down my spine. I was the first time deliberately wet by a man. The first time I felt mine Femininity, power over the opposite sex, mutual Attraction between man and woman. An overwhelming feeling because I had not had any sexual contact other than holding hands and Kissing with a boy the same age. And suddenly there it was This wicked man in front of me wrote his message to me with a ballpoint pen Number in the palm of my hand, looked deep into my eyes again and then said goodbye all at once. Before he left the snack bar, he winked at me again and said nonchalantly: “Call me. Not forgotten.” I stood there transfixed. What had just happened? The The snack bar employee must have asked for the third time, what I would like. I gradually regained my composure and ordered the fries for my father. The employee knew me and was already there a mature lady. When I paid, she said to me: “Don’t call him. He's not for you. You're too young for that kind of man. The only makes you unhappy. Hands off!"
“You’re just jealous,” I thought to myself in my teenage years Flair. So I left the store and went to my bike. On the saddle there was a flower. Excitement gripped me, euphoria rose within me. The I deliberately ignored the quiet voice in my head: “He’s not good for you. Forget him. Whatever you do, don’t call him.”
We've been together for nine months now, the bad boy and I. We had just celebrated my 19th birthday and it was New Year's Eve. I hadn't really felt myself in the days before felt comfortable in the relationship, and that evening I finally realized that he wasn't the right one for me. We spent New Year's Eve in the circle of his family. She was so completely different from the family I knew. It was loud and became increasingly vulgar and eventually vulgar. I was surrounded by a whole lot of people and felt yet like the loneliest person in the whole world. I wanted up just go home.
We left the party and got into his car, a small Ford Fiesta. He had barely had anything to drink and insisted on taking me home drive. The distance was 30 km. During the journey he gave me his Hand on thigh. It didn't feel good anymore. I said him to please take her back. He became slightly angry and asked why. And so I made a mistake I'll never make again would do like this a second time: I broke up with him, while we were driving along the country road at 70 km/h.
The first boyfriend - a hot but dangerous bad boy
At first he was very quiet. Then he said the words that I will never forget become: “If I can’t have you, no one else can have you.” Man! “I’m going to hit a tree.”
As soon as he said the words, he accelerated. The little car swayed and immediately implemented the driver's orders. The car accelerated rapidly. The sudden acceleration pushed me in the passenger seat. The landscape around me became more and more blurry an unreasonable black.
Panic suddenly rose in me. I got a feeling that I was then
I couldn't name it, but today I would describe it like this:
Fear of death. He meant every word exactly and accelerated more and more
Look straight ahead. Paradoxically, it was at that very moment that it came over me
suddenly a great inner peace. Today I don't know what to do anymore
back then, as such a young woman, gave me the strength to act prudently and calmly
Don't just scream. I felt instinctively, only when you were quiet
If you stay, you will survive. I almost couldn't breathe and heard
my pulse rushing in my ears. “You have to calm him down, tease him
“No further,” said the voice in my head. He steered the car sharply
to the left. The ground became less structured, the car swayed and
shook his
inmates through.
A large tree appeared in front of us. The trunk of the tree was already illuminated by the car's headlights. He accelerated again. I know not what gave me the strength, I heard myself saying calmly: “Darling, I love you though. It was just for fun.”
He suddenly steered the car to the right back onto the main road The car started to slide, luckily caught itself, and the tires squealed up, the smell of burnt rubber tread wafted into the driver's compartment. The The speed of the car slowed until the speed returned to that corresponded to the prescribed value. I sat frozen inside, acting I continue to feel calm and deliberate, as if I were standing next to myself and would giving my self directions.
“Yes, baby, we belong together forever. Forever. Nothing can do us break up." I kept thinking, "Don't bother him anymore. Don't argue with him any further. You have to somehow get out of this alive Vehicle coming.”
Panic in the car - will the 18-year-old have courage?
This was the first and last time in my life that I... I was afraid of death - triggered by this person I once met sincerely loved. Now I was just afraid of him and took tactics me out of a dangerous situation with a completely unpredictable one People. At some point the car finally came to a stop. He leaned forward and wanted to give me another kiss; I mumbled something about “I am tired” and ripped open the car door, got out and almost stumbled because my Knees were soft as butter. “I love you, baby,” I heard his Voice behind me, then the car drives away. I didn't turn around more. All my feelings for this person that I still had inside me, had died in the moment of fear of death.
The night was quiet and felt unreal. Somehow I felt it at my young age of 17, that I just had a guardian angel and could have been dead now. I quietly entered my parents' house. A while I sat down in the hallway. I saw the television from the living room flickering, father just had to laugh. The kitchen door was open My mother's voice rang out: "Darling, is that you?" You're there early. Wasn't the celebration nice? Come to me, are you hungry?”
I just sat there. “You’re still alive,” I keep saying. “Honey, what’s wrong?” asks the sweet voice from the kitchen. I kicked slowly into the kitchen, as if remotely controlled, staggering a little. Mother was on Cooking, standing at the stove and leaning over the pots. I would never have her again seen, it comes to me.
Mother turned to me. Her smile suddenly froze. "Oh my God, child, what happened? You're completely white in the face and... your hands are shaking. Did he do something to you?" "Mom, I would be straight almost died…” I answer quietly. My voice failed, and I finally felt tears streaming down my cheeks while mother wrapped in his arms.
